Class Hate

[I wrote this a while ago … and I have no idea why I never posted it before now.]

Greetings, in case you don’t know me, I’m C4Cypher. If you do know me you probably know that I hate a lot of things, most of which being spies.  I’m not alone in this.  Tell me about a class, map, game mechanic or other aspect of TF2 and I’ll give you a player that hates it.  I’ll leave most of the kvetching to other people for the time being, but I thought it would be entertaining if I could discuss each of the classes and why people hate them.

I might as well start with the Engineer, in all fairness … I should know why people hate this class more than anyone considering I play it so much.  People seem to have the idea that the class takes no skill … it’s not a class that seems to emphasize twitch aiming skills. The main point of contention seems to revolve around the sentry gun.  As the only truly computer-controlled combatant in the game, the sentry is immune to the pitfalls of lag (as it’s run server side) and boasts an unbelievable level of accuracy and damage output once it tracks on-target. Apparently all an engineer needs to do to rack up a bunch of kills is set up a sentry and dispenser right next to each other, wedge your butt in-between the two, and whack both as if you were playing a demonic game of wrench-whack-a-mole for the rest of the game … right … I’ll let you know how that goes.

Moving on to the Pyro … well, W plus mouse 1 … do I need to say more? Honestly though, the recent update has transformed the perception of this class from laughably underpowered to hair-pullyingly overpowered to the point to where the pyro has supplanted the soldier in the position of ‘noob’ class. I suppose the pyro should be proud or the soldier relieved, I’m not sure which.  I don’t think it’s a game breaker, personally, but I do think that the range on that blowtorch coupled with the damage output is a tad overkill, and the ‘puff-n-sting’ only adds insult to injury.

If you want people to hate you, start downloading the entire Lord of the Rings movie trilogy over bit-torrent, and then play scout.  The bugger is fast, and has a powerful primary weapon, which makes him the perfect vehicle for leveraging a dodgy network connection into a game-play advantage. Laggy-McLag Scout, I’m looking at you. And if you haven’t been victim or participant to an embarrassing surprise scout rush, you need to play this game more.

The heavy … is surprisingly balanced. The reining ‘Class noob hate’ champion of TFC leaves little for people to cry nerf about, his powerful primary weapon and massive pool of hit-points are very well balanced by his ponderously slow gait.  Don’t get me wrong, lard-butt is hardly gimp, but I rarely hear gripes about the class.

There’s never a medic around when you need one, and when there is, he’s off trying to ubersaw the spy in the back.  There is very little that can counter an effective uber … making him the centerpiece to any winning team, despite the fact that nobody wants to play him.

It’s easy to call the soldier a ‘noob’ class … he’s rather simple to pick up (ignoring the fact that he has a sufficiently high skill ceiling to seperate the skilled players from the chaff).  All you really need to do is point, click and possess some degree of linear prediction skill. Failing that, you can always shoot your own feet to kill anybody nearby … Maggots.

If you thought the soldier was a spammy pain in the ass, don’t get anyone started on the demoman. It’s ironic that the class that causes the most instagib surprise death is also the one that does so with projectiles that look like magic candy. Nobody likes getting one-shotted by a pipe, so if an angry drunk Scottish one-eyed black man offers you candy … just walk away.

The sniper is the quintessential choice for the camper … the best way of playing a game without actually participating it.  If you’re on two fort, I almost guarantee that the snipers on either side are playing in a completely separate game than the one you’re in … that happens to be running on the same server.  The annoying bugger brings instant death from across the map, conveniently placing himself in areas that make reprisals prohibitively difficult.

Ah, I love saving the best for last: The Spy.  Here we have the obligatory ‘stealth’ class. He has the benefit of both invisibility and disguises … he’s not too fast, doesn’t have too many hit-points, the sapper can even be forgiven … somebody has to have that role.  The problem is that knife … if it would work properly, nobody would argue … but for the love of god, if you’re going to give a weapon dodgy hit-detection, don’t make it the one that delivers instant kills? To make matters worse, his primary weapon is far from underpowered, giving the spy a choice between random victory in melee range or powerful ranged weapon with a blinding fast reload time.  I’m sorry, but the only thing I have for a class designed explicitly to break up teamwork and trust within a team is utter loathing and hatred. Spies should all die in a fire … and then re-spawn on fire …

td;lr All of the classes are overpowered, except the heavy.

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